A big crowd attended this year’s Race Meeting to witness the sights, sounds and smells of the mole motoring elite tear up Chichester this weekend.
Punters had much to enjoy, like the rip-roaring sound of the slippery Frenchman Saucisse de Toulouse’s speedy Maserati 150M Sidewinder and the deep rumble of the Bentley Lowrider belonging to our very own posh male hottie the Viscount of Biggins Hill – Cecil Snorkers, even Germany’s – Baron Regensburger von Wurst meaty Supercharger S got a few approving nods from the onlookers.
There was much hospitality from the Park Tavern master cellarmen, offering complementary cold beers, the ladies stuck to the merlot – no doubt a nod to the rich and handsome French petrolhead – Saucisse de Toulouse.
As usual, it was great to see the marine cover and upholstery legends C&J Marine of Fishbourne supporting this year’s race. No doubt all those stall holders breathed a little easier knowing that C&J coverings were protecting their precious stock from the possibility of rain.
The same company was behind the sudden appearance of a massive hot air balloon above the meeting – trust those C&J guys to pull a stunt like that! You can tell their money is on Cecil Snorkers this year, good show guys!
OFF THEY GO
Ok race fans, back to the main event – the Trundle Classic Meeting, a 25-mile sprint from the top of the Trundle, East Lavant, to Priory Park in Chichester.
A crowded field of supercharged mole egos powered off the starting line without incident down the Trundle Hill. For the first three miles the pack was led by the Monarch of Filthyelbows, Wee Willie Munro, in his stunning Morgan Plus 4 Mongo Drummer, closely followed in second place by the Italian Salvatore ‘No Thumbs’ Santora in his Alfa Romeo Giulietta Slickster, with the Romanian Prince Charlie of Vlad’s Porsche 550 Zee Impaler just a mere badger’s tail-length behind in third. Good show boys!.
THE FEMALE PERSPECTIVE
A great start for most of the racers, then, except for this year’s lady invite. The beautiful Swedish princess – Yonger Farthark in her Lancia Aurelia B24 Tippytoe which collided with Russian billionaire Mikhail Frostywotnots’ overly indulgent Rolls-Royce New Phantom 1 Bottom Blower.
Much too-ing, moo-ing, boo-ing and fro-ing was had between the remaining racers for a good but boring half-dozen miles as they quitely passed the sleepy village of Singleton en route to Binderton, race rules demand that the racers must stick to the speed limit and keep the noise down, or else. The race association has a genuine fear of rich old ladys with handbags, even my attention turned to watch a lady from Lawnrite ponder what treatment to give an over-grown weed which was treatening to spoil the wedding pictures of one Mrs Sarah Millbarn at Farbridge.
Luckily, action was to be seen at the ten-mile mark when the German, Baron Regensburger von Wurst, lost his nerve and hit the bank, shooting across the course and up on to the opposite bank, taking to the air and just skimming the bonnet of Mrs Tittletattle’s Scottish terrier Little Poopykins!
UP IN THE AIR
Just when you thought the race couldn’t throw up any more surprises, English gent Cecil Snorkers classic Bentley Lowrider hit a pot hole and flipped over but, stunningly, landed back on all four wheels. Sadly Cecil still lost third place to the cheese-loving Frenchman Saucisse de Toulouse, who slipped his Maserati underneath while Cecil was still airborne!
The Frenchman then moved up to second when he overtook Norwegian giant Eric the Gentle, after the axle of his MG MGA Destroyer decided that ‘enough is enough’ and threw down its suspension in an unsightly hissy fit and buggered off to the garage for a pint of WD.
The race remained extremely exciting over the next five miles from Lavant to East Ashling, but then the leader – the cool-headed Icelander Sor Finngeir, whom, as always sporting his trademark santa cardigan – braked too early at a dangerous corner, allowing the French fancy to overtake and thereby setting the tone for a final head-to-head battle along the now demoted A27, the A259 to Chichester Cross and the final corner onto Priory Road.
Frenchman Saucisse de Toulouse deserved his eventual win, taking home the champion’s trophy and regaining the honor of his countrymen for finally taking the Trundle Hill, which they couldn’t all those donkeys ago.